Tag: mysteric’s musings

i dragged my friends to asian culture club and we’re just watching the devil is a part-timer and it’s great since our giant asian migration/invasion squad is there even though we have random white and black kids there too but it’s cool and all. we mostly just troll around and it’s the best even though it’s a giant fucking mess.

Basically Orpheus and Eurydice is as follows:

  • Orpheus was the son of Apollo and some nymph
  • He was crazy talented at music
  • So good that Apollo gave him his own lyre
  • He was also really pretty cuz that’s the Greeks for you
  • He went on many journeys
  • (He mostly played the lyre)
  • He came back and met the nymph Eurydice
  • She was also surprise surprise very pretty
  • They marry
  • Except that Hymen’s torch releases a bunch of smoke aka a bad omen for their marriage
  • They forget about it
  • Honeymoon phase for y’all
  • One day, Eurydice goes back to play in the woods since nymphs are all apparently jobless
  • Unless you count playing around and being generally pretty a job
  • And since 90% of shepherds are messed up in some way or another, this guy chases Eurydice
  • She runs
  • Except she’s extraordinarily short-sighted and steps on a snake
  • It bites her
  • She dies
  • Orpheus is now added onto the growing list of depressed musicians
  • Fame has also apparently gotten into his head and now he thinks that he can defy death
  • He goes up to Zeus
  • Since he’s the golden child of pretty much all the gods, of course Zeus says yes
  • He gets a pass to go to the underworld
  • He plays so well a bunch of criminals stop thinking about their eternal suffering
  • Persephone weeps, and Hades is like, “Chill our dude. Just take your wife. But since I love having extra conditions that make you doomed to fail, you have to do it without looking back at her.”
  • And Orpheus is like, “Potassium. Why not?”
  • And Hades is like, “K just leave me alone in my eternal sadness now.”
  • And Orpheus is like “okie”
  • “Just take your wife and leave!”
  • Anyways, Orpheus takes Eurydice back and it’s low key creepy?
  • Like who just takes their dead wife along to escape the underworld?
  • Orpheus apparently
  • It’s Greek mythology
  • It’s Greek mythology
  • IT’ GREEK MYTHOLOGY
  • So of f***ing course he looks back
  • Last second too
  • Time to say bye to your wife again!
  • Poor Eurydice though
  • Poor girl dies twice but no one blinks an eye
  • Because eVeryTHinG iS ceNtERed aRoUNd orPheUS
  • Girl doesn’t get enough credit for that
  • I mean, she’s just so chill about everything?
  • I’m rambling again
  • So Orpheus is back
  • And you know what else is back?
  • His depression
  • So he plays a bunch of sad songs
  • #EmoForLife
  • Dionysus comes along with his followers, and since it’s Dionysus, they’re all drunk af
  • Cuz why not?
  • Basically it’s just a bunch of drunks m angering along
  • And at first they’re fine with said song choice
  • But then they get madder than racist girls when I spam them with f(x) and Dreamcatcher 
  • So they throw rocks at him
  • But his music is not ordinary
  • Oh no
  • It has to be charmed
  • We gotta be special here
  • So then they just throw themselves at him and kill him and dump his body into a river
  • The end!
  • But wait, there’s more!
  • Introducing the gods’ newest feature, making constellations out of whatever they want!
  • So they add his lyre in the sky
  • Becoming Lyra, which just makes me think of SoulSilverShipping tbh
  • And yeah