If you’re not willing to snort my ashes then what kind of friend are you
you are incredibly valid
I’m goin to have my ashes mixed in with glitter confetti cannons that will be at my funeral so when my funeral song(thnks fr th mmrs by fall out boy) hits its chorus I can be blasted all over my mourners.
inconveniencing people even from the grave
At my funeral everyone else gets cremated.
This is honestly my favorite single statement in the English language and I’m willing to bet I’d love it just as much in any translated form
My best friend wants to have her ashes sprinkled on top of risotto & wants her will to state that whoever eats her ashes can have her estate.
You are so lucky to have this person as a friend
gonna have my body frozen with liquid nitrogen then turned into a slushie
Incredible
At my funeral, They Won’t Be Able To Find The Body 🙂
i gave my sister $100 for her bday, but i gave it to her in $1 bills that i folded into origami. so that’s how she pays for delivery food & now the pizza girl thinks she’s a stripper
You’re really good at origami holy sh
i learned it specifically to make these for this exact situation
Aren’t you the same bitch that gave your sister $100 dollars in nickels?
There was a guy at my school, Christian, who collected bananas. Every day in the lunchroom, he’d take as many as he could get. He never ate them. He kept them in a bunch of brown paper bags until he had roughly thirty bananas (this took a few days). He would then leave them somewhere in the school – usually on a teacher’s desk or outside the office. Occasionally on people’s doorsteps.
The lunch lady was forbidden from giving Christian bananas. He always got them anyway. If they wouldn’t sell him one, he would steal them and leave the money on the counter. He wasn’t technically breaking any rules so he never got in trouble but the teachers were furious.
He dressed in a banana suit for Halloween.
I don’t know what became of Christian but when I see bananas, I think of him.
when i was in 8th grade, every single day i would steal spoons from the cafeteria. i’d take like 8 spoons a day and by the end of the school year i had two backpacks full of spoons in my closet. on the last day of school i came to school with all my spoons and threw them everywhere i went, and when the final bell rang i emptied the backpacks down into the main stairwell as everyone ran out. a friend of mine who still goes to this school says they still find spoons scattered around to this day.
middle school is a lawless land where both angels and hellspawn fear to tread
i would always decorate sporks. my friend eli recently told me someone found a glittery pink spork in the shop room. i took shop in 5th grade. im in highschool. MY LEGACY LIVES ON.
ExCUSE ME it is a SOLID LIQUID and should be consumed as a combination of drinking and biting known as licking. Thank you very much.
discuss
what madness have you brought down on us
Wait what if you slurp your ice cream?
I use my lips to eat ice cream. It’s like the motion of the “QUE-” in the word ‘QUESTIONS’ in ‘Why You Asking All Them Questions’, but in reverse. It’s like using my lips as a pair of little outside-tongues.
one of my friends once deep-throated her ice cream cone
@pregnantseinfeld informed me that I was in a Buzzfeed article (with @creamynut and @bootyscientist2) a few months ago and had no idea.
Turns out that Buzzfeed just embeds Tumblr posts.
So if they take a post you’re in and say, embed it from your blog:
You can go back to the post and edit it to whatever you want and it will appear in the article like that. So you can do things like add “pay me royalties” 100 times
please watch this video of one of the polygon reporters listing his top five books in skyrim after having read all books in the game its absolutely hilarious
he did one on the legend of zelda timeline and that ones even more chaotic
Jobless Culture Technology 