fantasyhoevillage:

NCT 2018 As shit Gordon Ramsay has said.

I was pissing myself while writing this.

Taeyong – “What the fuck did you put in that sauce? It’s like some kind of sci-fi sperm.”

Taeil – “You guys cook like old people fuck.”

Johnny – “That lift is busier that fucking paris hiltons knickers.”

Yuta – “When i bang, she comes, when you bang, she comes!.. Sounds like a porn movie…”

Kun – “Chitlins? Shitlins.”

Doyoung – “Right, I’ll get you more pumpkin. I’ll ram it right up your fucking ass. Would you like it whole or diced?”

Ten – “Feels like I’m eating donkeys cock.”

Jaehyun – “You give me them anemic bits of shits, I’ll fucking throw them up your ass sideways.”

Winwin – “Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz you didn’t fucking cook it.”

Jungwoo – “There’s enough garlic in here to kill every vampire in Europe .“

Lucas – “The two steaks have been up and down like fucking Abi Titmuss’s knickers.”

Mark – “You look like you’re just about to lose your virginity.”

Renjun – “Chimichanga… Chimi-chuck it in the bin.”

Jeno – “There’s more smoke in this kitchen than in snoop dogs tour bus.“

Haechan – “Pinwheel? Yeah i feel like doing a cartwheel out of here.”

Jaemin – “It looks like chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.”

Chenle – “You put so much ginger in this, it’s a Weasley.”

Jisung – “I wish you would jump in that oven. That would make my life a lot easier.”

Side note, Ramsay would beat the shit out of Mark

because apparently this needs to be said AGAIN

vampireapologist:

marzipanandminutiae:

in the most general aesthetic terms possible

1600s: most witch-hunts ended in this century. no witches were burned in North America; they were hanged or in one case pressed to death

1700s: the American Revolution. Marie Antoinette. the French Revolution. the crazy King George. most pirate movies

1800-1830: Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice! those dresses where the waist is right under one’s boobs and men have a crapton of facial hair inside high collars

1830-1900: Victorian. Les Miserables is at the beginning, the Civil War is in the middle, and Dracula is at the end

1900-1920: Edwardian. Titanic, World War I, the Samantha books from American Girl, Art Nouveau

1920s: Great Gatsby. Jazz Age. Flappers and all that. most people get this right but IT IS NOT VICTORIAN. STUFF FROM THIS ERA IS NOT VICTORIAN. DO NOT CALL IT VICTORIAN OR LIST IT ON EBAY AS VICTORIAN. THAT HAPPENS SURPRISINGLY OFTEN GIVEN HOW STAGGERING THE VISUAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ERAS IS. also not 100 years ago yet, glamour.com “100 years of X” videos. you’re lazy, glamour.com. you’re lazy and I demand my late Edwardian styles

I just saw people referencing witch burning and Marie Antoinette on a post about something happening in 1878. 1878. when there were like trains and flush toilets and early plastic and stuff. if you guys learn nothing else about history, you should at least have vague mental images for each era

“Les Miserables is at the beginning, the Civil War is in the middle, and Dracula is at the end” sounds like the longest weirdest worst movie I’d pay to see in theatres five times.

new story

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

hamartiacosm:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

uwillneverknowwho:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

h00ty0wlsrneat:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

dragondashi:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

charactersoverkisses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

washougalan-hooligan:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

literalgayngel:

hellishues:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

it’s been 3 months, so i’m legally allowed to share my first officially published story for free. previously published in Massacre Magazine, under the Gorey Skelton pen name

leave feedback in the replies! (i seriously love feedback, but my tumblr inbox is a mess)

I’m… shaken. Disturbed? Holy shit.

That is

Holy shit

Read it

my one real goal as a writer is to create content people regret reading

JFC WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MAGENTA GOURD-BRAIN 

I have passive aggressive tendencies related to childhood neglect

That was gorgeous. I have no other way to describe it other than surreal, it made me feel like I was floating. Gaud is a meme but their writing is fantastic.

excuse me i’m a damn *shitpost*

honestly your entire personality is *shitpost* but like kind of deep sometimes

dumbass by choice, philosopher by inclination 

This is, in an odd way, strangely beautiful

And yet, at the same time, deeply disturbing

It is a very rich story, full of amazing descriptions and detail

Full of depth

IS THAT A FUCKING PUN

I’m sorry, i had to make this my wallpaper, so i guess here’s the wallpaper versions no one wanted or needed, i made this at 3 am, are you proud

i’m very proud of u trash child

header versions because I have no self control

nice!