Basically Orpheus and Eurydice is as follows:

• Orpheus was the son of Apollo and some nymph
• He was crazy talented at music
• So good that Apollo gave him his own lyre
• He was also really pretty cuz that’s the Greeks for you
• He went on many journeys
• (He mostly played the lyre)
• He came back and met the nymph Eurydice
• She was also surprise surprise very pretty
• They marry
• Except that Hymen’s torch releases a bunch of smoke aka a bad omen for their marriage
• They forget about it
• Honeymoon phase for y’all
• One day, Eurydice goes back to play in the woods since nymphs are all apparently jobless
• Unless you count playing around and being generally pretty a job
• And since 90% of shepherds are messed up in some way or another, this guy chases Eurydice
• She runs
• Except she’s extraordinarily short-sighted and steps on a snake
• It bites her
• She dies
• Orpheus is now added onto the growing list of depressed musicians
• Fame has also apparently gotten into his head and now he thinks that he can defy death
• He goes up to Zeus
• Since he’s the golden child of pretty much all the gods, of course Zeus says yes
• He gets a pass to go to the underworld
• He plays so well a bunch of criminals stop thinking about their eternal suffering
• Persephone weeps, and Hades is like, “Chill our dude. Just take your wife. But since I love having extra conditions that make you doomed to fail, you have to do it without looking back at her.”
• And Orpheus is like, “Potassium. Why not?”
• And Hades is like, “K just leave me alone in my eternal sadness now.”
• And Orpheus is like “okie”
• “Just take your wife and leave!”
• Anyways, Orpheus takes Eurydice back and it’s low key creepy?
• Like who just takes their dead wife along to escape the underworld?
• Orpheus apparently
• It’s Greek mythology
• It’s Greek mythology
• IT’ GREEK MYTHOLOGY
• So of f***ing course he looks back
• Last second too
• Time to say bye to your wife again!
• Poor Eurydice though
• Poor girl dies twice but no one blinks an eye
• Because eVeryTHinG iS ceNtERed aRoUNd orPheUS
• Girl doesn’t get enough credit for that
• I mean, she’s just so chill about everything?
• I’m rambling again
• So Orpheus is back
• And you know what else is back?
• His depression
• So he plays a bunch of sad songs
• #EmoForLife
• Dionysus comes along with his followers, and since it’s Dionysus, they’re all drunk af
• Cuz why not?
• Basically it’s just a bunch of drunks m angering along
• And at first they’re fine with said song choice
• But then they get madder than racist girls when I spam them with f(x) and Dreamcatcher 
• So they throw rocks at him
• But his music is not ordinary
• Oh no
• It has to be charmed
• We gotta be special here
• So then they just throw themselves at him and kill him and dump his body into a river
• The end!
• But wait, there’s more!
• Introducing the gods’ newest feature, making constellations out of whatever they want!
• So they add his lyre in the sky
• Becoming Lyra, which just makes me think of SoulSilverShipping tbh
• And yeah